Me: My Plan

Sunday, October 16, 2005

My Plan is simple enough. I hope to maintain this for as long as I can:
1. Think Positive
2. 100 Pushups before bed every night
3. 50 of something (pushups, crunches, etc) every morning
4. Visit fitness center at least 3 times a week
5. Substantially decrease the amount of time on-line
6. Blog something every day
7. Leave this god-forsaken city at every chance possible
8. Work on volleyball and tennis skills (Ricky, I'm coming your way!!!)
9. Get a massage at least once a month
10. Complete as many items on my checklist as I can every.single.day
11. Be a better friend, brother, son, cousin, advisor
12. Re-start my latent abilities in the kitchen; a new cuisine added weekly

Oddly enough, I've been able to do all of these things since I started this weekend. We'll see how long it lasts, but I'm fairly optimistic if I just keep my mind to it...

Me: Newer Outlook

Some people wait until the start of the new year to make some changes to their lives. I'm going to try to start now.

A while back, I battled with what I thought was anxiety. I would get so tense about things that I would give myself headaches. Driving was miserable because I would stay so wound up during the drive that by the time I got to my destination, my back was sore, my head throbbing, and it just made for a general bad time. My disposition was less than sunny and I began to feel myself sliding into a place that I didn't want to be: despair. As I got more stressed out, I began to break out and sleep worse and take a general disinterest in things.

So I was proactive. I sought out my doctor who placed me on Prozac. I took it for three months, but I stopped right before I started summer camps. During the summer, I learned that I didn't need the medication because the simple playful surroundings were more than enough to keep my mind from ruminating on the unpleasantries of the rat race.

But no sooner than I get back out of the doldrums of medicine did the neck tension and irritability begin to creep back. I began to get intensely frustrated with the strange position I've put myself into. I want to be a proud gay man but I haven't built my safety net as such. As a consequence, I'm having to hold back the very fundamental and human desires that everyone else around me can flaunt. If there's any testament to it, it's my classmates: now about 8 of them are currently engaged!

Though my skin is clearer (thanks Proactive!) and my physique more substantial (I'm "working out" when I can,) I've found that there's a small piece missing from the puzzle. Nah, I don't think of myself as a medically bound individual; rather a socially bound intellectual that will only be free when he frees himself from the constraints he places on himself...but that's not to say that SSRI's don't have a place in treatment...(hee! that's the psychiatrist in me talking.)

Methinks I won't be free until I get out of Texas and move on with my life and 2006 is coming up fast...

Professional: Running for Office...

I’m irritated.

So our current class president not only got re-elected, but he also has won the right to give the “response from the class” during graduation.It’s not that I don’t like him; he really is a good guy. Instead, it’s the fact that I know I could do a better job. I’ve never minded wielding to someone who does their job and does it well. But he’s so bad at being a leader. He makes terrible assumptions about his constituents and does a worse job than George Bush of keeping us in the know.Yet he keeps getting re-elected and appointed to stuff.That really sad thing about all this is that I helped engineer this current predicament.

You see, after first year, I was burned out with being President and I realized that what good is becoming President when you’d have nothing to show for it by graduation. During my reign as Commander in Chief, most of my officers were less than enthusiastic about their jobs. My Historian was so awful that we all still remember the piss poor job she did of the slide show to this very day.

Because I’m always planning ahead, I figured that I would take a leave of absence from leading the show and concentrate on collecting and creating memories that we can relive for the rest of our lives. Again, I didn’t want to be the 4 year reigning president with nothing to show 10 years from now.So I endorsed our Current Class President (CCP) who, at the time, was scared shitless and didn’t know what he was doing. I chose the path of Historian and set into motion all the things I hoped to accomplish.To my credit, I put together one of the best slides/video skits this school has ever seen both for Cadaver Ball and Temple of Doom. I collected over 1200 pictures for use in our yearbook. I made sure to solicit pics and info from everyone, to make sure everything was balanced.CCP reran unopposed 3rd year and I reran for Historian so that I could finish all the little projects that I had ongoing. 4th year, as I planned, I resubmitted my name into the running, but was denied finishing the last leg of my carefully planned operation. I don’t blame CO (the other black guy who was running) and I don’t hold it against him.I will honestly admit, a small part of me was happy not to have won, just like the part that breathed a sigh of relief when I didn’t get the National Parliamentarian position that I should have won. There has to be something said for being the underdog and fighting for what’s right behind the scenes.

My presidential nominee speech was honest and true. CCP’s speech was actually very inappropriate and tacky. My Parliamentarian speech was humorous and genuine. My opponents voting bases were bigger. In both instances, I played by the rules and I’m very happy with myself that I didn’t with lowballing someone else.So while that means I won’t be giving the “Response from the Class” speech, I’ll still have a great time with the true blue friends I’ve made and I fully expect the tears to flow like the waters of a broken levee when graduation comes around. And besides, those people in the class who “really know” what’s going on will always look to me as their leader as they did before and during the current CCP’s reign.

So I guess I’m not really that irritated after all.