Professional: Dumb Things We Tell Ourselves...

Seven ER shifts left and all I can think of is the resistance I've gotten from damn near everyone about how much of a travesty I feel doing this rotation is.

From within my own program to the Chief peds resident to my own Chief resident, everyone seems to think this is less of an issue than I do. Which just pisses me off even more.

Part of me wants to forge ahead on my own agenda, but it seems that with no backing from those "in power" I'd just be futile-ly spinning my wheels. And when that happens, I simply check out, meaning I stop giving a shit about those that don't give a shit about me.And that's what is dangerously close on the horizon for me. When I think about it, no one here has tried to make a good impression; in fact, the effort has been nonexistent, which makes me think that they song and dance they put on during interviews was just that: a song and dance.

Methinks again, that things will change when I get on the "other side" but I'm not inclined to recruit or represent an organization that I don't believe in.And it's terribly funny and disheartening to hear people talk about residency: "just hang in there, it'll get better." And when it doesn't, they say: "well, look how far you've come." Sounds like a catch-22 if I've ever heard one.

Misery loves company and there's no better place to breed it than residency.Go healthcare!

Black Professional: They Just Don't Understand...

Try as I might my fellow residents will never know what I'm going through.

This shouldn't come as a surprise to me, especially since this is just another time in my life with the same old "whuh" mentality from those around me.

And TalkShowJohn...well, he's hella funny, but just as hella good at sticking his foot in his mouth. Today, at the final breakfast, him and the Chupper made a joke about some Body Shop lotion in a car outside, without realizing that it was mine. Of course I made a joke about being ashy to try to dispell the weird tension around their mocking it's presence but no one at the table save Jules even knew what I meant by "ashy."

And no one understood where I was coming from when I complained about the ER. Instead of just shutting the fuck up and letting me vent, I heard things like, "it wasn't so bad, you get to meet all kinds of new people (which I don't fucking care about.) Or "wow, you're gonna have a hard time in residency." Or even worse "well, you just gotta suck it up cuz there's nothing we can do about it."

To which I respond: I'll be goddamned.

Anyway, other than that, it was fun running across the hillside and taking beautiful pictures of everyone. And the scenery was magnificent...it's even more pretty in the pictures than I remember it being at the time.

Upon coming back to the house, I finally got my modem and the Kirby people cleaned the living room carpet as a demonstration. Granted, they did their very best to sell that 1800 vacuum to me, but I just don't have room in the budget. Hell, I even showed them my budget just to prove it to them. Eventually they backed down, but the salesman that actually did all the work looked more than pissed and disappointed.

Volleyball tonight was okay, and I think I have a bit of a crush on WEB just because he's really good and he's cute and he's humble and he's probably 45. I don't know what it is, but older men are just hawt. :) Not that younger guys ain't...But everything today has been tempered by the fact that I'm going back into the hell hole with 8 more shifts to go, 5 of them being the overnight 7pm to 7am shift. I don't do night shifts which is why I hate fucking taking call. It's gonna suck, but what can you do?

It's called formal constructively critical complaints...these bitches ain't go know what hit 'em...

Gay Professional: Severe Indigestion...

So after having Indian food with NewChris yesterday, I got home and went to bed, seemingly with a growling stomach, though it had been filled with pretty tasty Indian food earlier.

Last night, I had a terrible dream about Crystal T dying and it shook me up enough that I actually stayed up out of fright. Eventually I fell back to sleep but was soon awakened by the stupid alarm clock. Anywhoo, I ate a bowl of cereal and some OJ/Centrum and went on my merry way to work.

A couple hours into work, I got a rather intense stomach pain, of the likes that I needed to at least sit down for. I attributed the pain to stress and anxiety at not knowing what would walk through the doors next, but the pain continued. It was a very visceral cramping pain, of the likes you get when your intestines want to rip themselves apart. Likewise, it took my breath away and I knew I had to get to the bathroom.

Needless to say the ER staff bathroom had been cordoned off for remodeling.

So I rode the elevator (cuz trying the stairs was simply making it worse) to the 4th floor, got "The Drops" (thanks to AmyBurns) ran down to the intern call room on 3rd floor (where I would have a little privacy) and proceeded to shit my brains out. Not watery, but very loose and voluminous.

Guess Indian Saag just doesn't agree with my stomach even though it was quite tasty to the palate.

I thought that with such a shitty start the day couldn't get better. Fortunately, it stayed steady and straightforward and I was able to make it out of my shift alive. YAY! Now I just have 12 shifts left. :(

Professional: ER Shift 1...

Well, I finished off genetics and now am doing ER.

Yeah, if I could quit I probably would just to get out of doing this.

You see, I didn't know when I was interviewing that when I did an ER shif there, that I would be seeing EVERYONE; that means pediatric patients, medicine patients, surgical patients, all kinds of patients. In fact, I didn't find that out until after residency started.

Ain't that some shit?

One of the reasons I hate ER is because of the pomp and circumstance that comes with it. I noticed it as soon as I got there. There was an upper level whom, not only 2.5 months ago, had befriended me in the peds lounge and it seemed that we got along swimmingly. But boy did that change once we were in his territory with his bosses that he had to impress.

And that was just the start of the night...things ran as smoothly as could be expected I suppose, but that didn't keep me from rolling my eyes and getting irritated with every snide comment of the attending or having to deal with some of the ER interns. Whew, they're a different breed altogether...except for Chris. He was nice.

If I had done Psych/Child Psych I wouldn't have to deal with this. If I had done Triple Board in Indianapolis, I wouldn't have to deal with this. Granted, they had their own shortcomings, so I guess I'll just live and let live.

Seeing my 1 pediatric patient was fantastic and luckily I got a 25 year old lady who was fun to talk to and interact with. And her husband was gorgeous. Lol, methinks I'm a sucker for redheads and guys was close cropped gray hair. :)

I'm working the 1pm to 1am shift again tonight and I will come better prepared with snackage and drinkage to get me through the day. Here's to a good night 16 more shifts to go...