Black: Do You Love Me?

So I brought up the race issue today just so that my mind is clear. JL is a stunningly handsome man who just happens to be white. I asked him today if it bothered him to be with a black guy. He mentioned that it might be interesting if he takes me home and (because he's wonderful) asked me if I would be comfortable there. I have no trouble with that in the least.

I also reassured him that he would be welcomed at my home in East Texas as well.

But I had this need to ask and need to know that we could be okay racially. I guess it just goes to show how much I still need to work on this and make it make sense to me.

But he's willing to have me and I'm willing to love him for the rest of my life.

While the cliche is becoming more and more true everyday, I can still see that he's a white man. But the difference is he a man that I love more than myself; that supercedes anything else I could ever dream of. JL has this way of making me think that the honeymoon will never end...

Me: In love?

Yup, whouda thunk it.

We first encountered one another on June 1, 2009 at a meeting of like minds, hoping to form a GLBT friendly group on the hospital campus. I recall sitting across from a very good looking fella, but knew that we likely had nothing in common other than the fact that we were both at a meeting.

There are finer details, but suffice it to say, he agreed to come over to watch Legally Blonde the Musical.

On June 8, 2009, he came over and we watched half of the musical. That's when I first learned we had lots in common. I shook his hand, he hugged me. It was one of the most genuine hugs I've ever had in my life.

We emailed back and forth via Facebook, but never really said anything of consequence. Neither of us is very good at overt flirting.

On June 12, 2009, after coming home from the Peds Roast with thoughts of him on my mind, we talked for 3-4 hours via Facebook and we discovered we were soulmates.

On June 13, 2009, he visited me on call and I've never had as good a call day as that. He is amazing and I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him.

On June 15, 2009, we cried together in his lab while he passed electrical stimulation through rat brain tissue. He called us renaissance men. Truer words have never been spoken.

On June 16, 2009, he called me and reported that he was no longer with his partner. The real beginning of our lives is now upon us.

I have never felt so content in my whole life. Yes, I am prone to hyperbole, but this time is different. My life will be different. And I'm not going to take a second of it for granted.

Black: Too Much Sun...

So lately I've been reminded that spending time in the sun makes you blacker.

I spent this whole weekend playing kickball and I have lots to show for it, including sore muscles, achy body, and darker skin.

Today, while sitting on the Time's patio, I actually had the thought "I need to get in the shade cuz I don't want to get any darker." That insinuates that there's something wrong with being darker, and I immediately felt bad and ashamed of myself. I don't mind my color; this variation of statement is a long time coming, because for a long while, it felt like a curse.

But now, I'm getting comfortable with being black and knowing who I am and what I want and what I can achieve if I put my mind to it.

Yet, all that was thrown in the air when I thought about the repercussions of me getting some UVA and UVB lights to warm my skin and make more Vitamin D.

Funny how some of our internalized racism can just pop up whenever it wants :/

Gay Professional: Pride Festival...

So for the first time, I'll really be putting my sexuality out in public for all to see.

I'm slated to lead a song for our chorus at the local pride festival. This'll be only the second year that it's going on and I'm potentially leading a chorus of not-overly-closeted guys in renditions of songs that I've sung before.

Daunting?

My main hesitation (though no matter what, I think it's important for me to do this) is because not everyone knows I'm gay. I'm sure there'll be some backlash in a sense. But I'm not exactly sure how the fallout will...well, fall.

And one large unspoken factor for me is that I do have a pediatrics component to my training...well, let's just wait and see what happens, shall we?

Black Gay: Older Men...

I have found that older men have a striking quality about them that is not only attractive, but it's secure and refreshing.

I just met a guy recently and we've been on a couple dates. He's 15 years my senior but doesn't look it at all. He works out regularly and grooms himself to a T. While I'm not sure exactly what he's looking for, it's nice to be able to go out with someone who knows how to handle himself.

And sexually...well, I don't know what to say other than wow.

It's interesting to me though that I am the first black guy he's ever gone out with. He says that he's thought about it alot and has always wanted to. We had even met before on the MeatMarket but never hooked up (which in retrospect I am really really glad for.) And from what he tells me, his family is quite the racist group of folks...it'll be interesting if things work out between us and we happen to be together for a while.

Let's see what happens...