Gay: I Miss the Little Fella...

Abe...Sometimes I regret ever meeting him because now I know what I want out of a partner. Lol, apparently in my drunken stupor, I espoused all the trite reasonings I had for breaking up with him...and I vaguely remember everyone in attendance laughing at my naivete and telling me that no relationship is perfect and that I should be open about what I like and don't like.Yeah, it's mainly a sexual thing that I won't go into...suffice it to say, it probably is something that we could attempt to work through, but I'm still in the classic mindset and can't help but think a young buck could meet my expectations.The problem with that is the fact that young guys just don't have the emotional, professional, social maturity that older guys have. Ah well.

I've also been thinking about getting a dog but methinks that's even more far fetched that getting a kid mainly because I have no desire to pick up shit outside when it's 2 degrees or 100. Lol, with kids, you just throw it in the trash and be done with it.

And I get to go to the dentist tomorrow! YAY me! He's probably gonna root canal my stupid tooth since the filling will probably have to be taken out. And I think it's incredibly odd that my dental insurance is actually MORE expensive than my health insurance...what kinda shit is that?! Yeah, I'm gonna have to look into that...

Me: Goulash...

I can't break my addiction to fantasy books...
Porn is too readily available to folks these days...
I'm running through men as fast as I find them...
Comparisons to Abe are to blame...
I'm so swamped with ideas I've become stagnant...
Stupid people are far too abundant and in the most powerful positions...
I wish my chest were bigger...
I need to procure cable but I can't justify watching even MORE television...
I feel sorry for TalkShowJohn and Teej because they will be so far behind when they do decide to come out...
Daddy really should know about my situation soon...
It sucks to be the first person that a gay person comes out to cuz you're not going to ever be with them...
Ice water is yummy...
I should have better posture...
I wish I had the patience to really make my website...
Big Brother 9, here i come...
"Find Me Somebody To Love" is such a great song...
I want a baby...
People keep telling me I need a dog...
The state hospital is truly a state hospital in all sense of the word...
I wish everyone would look at things as ergonomically as I do...
I'm great!

Me: Something’s missing...

Sometimes I wonder if I'm going through a midlife crisis or if I'm forgetting something because I oftentimes find my mind wandering, wondering if I'm happy with where I am in life...

On the whole, I would have to say yes. I'm living my dream even more so that I once imagined. Maybe being my own biggest critic is finally catching up to me; heh, having someone constantly pushing you (from the outside) is easy to avoid. If that voice is following you everywhere you go, it's a much different picture.

The voice now (and nah, I'm not cool enough to be schizophrenic...though I have been itching to try some Abilify or Invega) is saying find someone special, settle down, and have some kids. Why that voice changed from "save your money and buy comic books" or even "you should go out on the town and dance the night away" like it used to, I don't know. But it's official, I'm getting older.

BTW, I'm gonna try to write in this blog more often...lol, I say that everytime, but this time I mean it! HAHAHAHAHA...we'll see.

Me: Biological clock...

I had never been to any camp before my 4th year of medical school (age 25.) In fact, I'd only seen the shenanigans of camp via movies (the Parent Trap) or television (Salute Your Shorts.) I had no idea just how much fun and wonderful it would be.

But my current semiannual involvment with Rays of Hope (my bereavement camp) and TLC (my juvenile diabetes camp) has not only helped me settle on my career niche within the field of child psychiatry, but it's also reaffirmed that I want kids. The bad thing is that I'm now wanting them soon.

Yeah, there are tons of roadblocks to having a little one at home to care for, but methinks I could get it all straightened out. Lol, I just finished watching "Billy Elliot" and I promise not to "live through my children" but it'll be hard. Poor guy or girl will be worn out by the age of 10...heh.
I'm slated to finish residency at 30 (2011) and if all goes according to plan, I'm hoping 4th or 5th year??? Maybe??? It'll make establishing my practice a little more difficult, but hey, having a kid will change everything, so why not let it guide the rest of my career?

All things to ponder...