Me: Enjoy this!!!!

God works in really really mysterious ways. Like super mysterious. So each time I fall into a funk about my ex, He again shows me that I should keep walking forward and enjoying my single-dom. I've encountered lots of great people through the MeatMarket that have reminded me that relationships can be really shitty (hence why they're on the site in the first place) and that being single and with lots of opportunities is kinda fucking cool. For instance, I've signed to a great job, just bought a new house (so now I own two!) and have my health. Someday I'll look back and say "wow! Remember when!" But I'm not worried about that because tomorrow may never come. Instead, I enjoy making my own schedule, studing when I like, spending as much time on my evals as I like, deciding when to pop my pimples and take a shit. I still don't like waking up without my ex, but I think sleeping on the floor for a while will get rid of that...well, that and 80 or 90 degree temperatures. :) Enjoy the feeling of gifting and charity as well. I've been able to donate to lots of different philanthropies, both through Credo, Courage Campaign, HRC, and just random people in general through the sale of my stuff. It's great! I hope Boo-bear...err....my ex is having the time of his life as well. But as this quote attests, he might not: "Our envy always lasts longer than the happiness of those we envy." -Francois Duc La Rochefoucauld Being in a relationship takes hard work because no one, and I mean NO ONE, is hitting on all cylinders all the time. And if they are, one of them is probably cheating. :) Ah, I love warmth and me and my life. I am blessed.

Gay: Sex...argh!

I don't think I can do it anymore. Because it just doesn't compare to what I had before. Maybe if I was actually attracted to someone and had built a relationship with that person, I'd feel differently. As it stands, I meet up with one night stands and "friends with benefits" and everytime I'm disappointed because it's just unsatisfying. Worse, I constantly think of my ex when I'm having sex and thinking back to how good our sex life was. It's comically ridiculous that I can't shake my feelings for this guy. Why is he so different? I dunno but in the meantime, I'm letting him keep me from enjoying myself. Goddamit.

Me: Quiet blessings...

So sometime last year (I can't even remember when), I had the opportunity to sow a seed for a friend...a small monetary blessing that paid off for them months later. Mama Popovic is an extraordinary woman that I had the pleasure of running across after my breakup. She's been a major part of my recovery and I can say, without a doubt, that I likely wouldn't be the man I am today without her. She took me to dinner once...at Oasis. I can't remember what we were supposedly celebrating, but she spent alot of money. In true friend form, she (like myself) refuse to let something as trivial as finances stand in the way of good food and good friendship. In return, upon getting to her house and having tea, I slipped 40 bucks into her brother's pair of cowboy boots. He apparently didn't wear them until recently because he found the money and "split it with 50:50." She was telling TriPan this with a smile on her face, laughing at the coincidence of it all. When it dawned on me what exactly happened, I smiled to myself and kept it to myself. I love blessing others. This must continue :)