Gay: Perspective, Part II

And so I went back to yahoopersonals one night just for shits and giggles and I found that a really cute guy had emailed me. We talked back and forth through email for a couple days and decided to meet for coffee. Immediately, I knew there were some things physically that I wasn't attracted to, but I pushed all that aside because he was adept at conversation and was a generally nice guy.

And he has magnificent eyes. I mean they are really stunning....and you know how I get about that :)

Anywhoo, he came over last night and we watched a couple movies together then stayed up to talk and get to know one another better. Which is where the trouble starts...

He doesn't know if he likes girls.

At my ripe old age of 28, I have little patience for men who haven't figured out if they're straight or gay (remember, I don't believe in bisexuality.) And here he was sitting in my bed (no we didn't do anything) telling me that he is figuring out if he'll like having sex with women.

So beautiful eyes or not, I have to let him go. Not that I don't have time to cultivate a relationship with this guy, but I definitely don't have the drive to do so when there are other glaring potential issues, especially regarding self confidence and self esteem (on his part.)

Damn, and I thought things were finally turning around. Ah well, c'est la vie once again...

Gay Professional: Perspective...

So I met this guy through Match.com who lives about 6 hours away he's a Child Psychologist (and apparently a good one) and it seemed like things were going okay. But I immediately noticed that he seems even busier than myself. Tell-tell sign that things won't be hopping off the ground when the person you're interested in won't sacrifice whatever they're doing to send you an email. So there were some days where I didn't hear from him at all. Should have known then, right?

In any case, I got an email the other day from him say he didn't see anything progressing past cyberspace but that he'd still like to stay in contact as friends and colleagues.

My first reaction (because rejection in any amount hurts) was to tell him to never contact me again, but I realize how hard long distance is and I realize how career can often get in the way of love. But with all that said, I don't need any more long distance friends cuz it's hard enough to keep in contact with them and I already love them.

And there's the professional aspect: he seems to know his child psychology (he even gives lectures on this stuff) so burning this bridge could mean one less consulting resource in the future...so I guess I'll just politely step away from the keyboard and move along to someone else....

....which I have already done... :P

Me: Comic Book Blue Balls...

The Crossgen universe is simply amazing.

That's why I play the lottery. Sure, I also play because I'd like to never work again and also find a quick and dirty way to pay off my student loans in one fell swoop and endow all the camps that I work with so that they can be self sustaining.

But all that doesn't cost much money.

Buying back Crossgen and all the rights and titles that includes will be expensive.

But the story is worth it.

I wish I could regather the whole creative team so that the stories can be completed and drawn as they were meant to be. Much like the blue-ball inducing world of "Reboot" I feel that the world has been cheated of a great story and bottom line.

So, when I win (cuz it's only a matter of time ;) the story will be completed and it will be good. Very good.

Black: One more reminder it's time...

...for a change.

We need strong black leadership that is free of ethnocentrism yet embraces us as a subculture of the greater American stage.

We need to stop putting ourselves in the position of second fiddle yet recognize that black and other races are biologically and social different.

We need to get rid of the idiots who speak on our behalf (Jesse Jackson, Al Sharpton) yet recognize that we do have a unique voice (Obama, Cosby, Oprah.)

We need to come together and help those in our race who are less fortunate yet not provide a handout; instead we must inspire them to want to improve their dispositions.

We need to integrate our colleges, churches, neighborhoods, yet provide newcomers with a taste of what it's like to encounter black culture.

My wish: To get Obama, Cosby, and Oprah in a room and lay out a plan to bring black people to the social strata that they deserve. We're an amazing group of people but we've allowed our own hubris and issues to distract and hinder us. The time has come for a change that WE can believe in.

Gay: GLMA...

The Gay and Lesbian Medical Association.

If I play my cards correctly, I'm going to try and attend the conference this year. It's located in Seattle...maybe I could stay with Stinka.

Going to the APA was an amazing experience in that I got to see thousands of psychiatrists all with a common goal: free drug rep paraphenalia. :) Just kidding...no, it was nice to see that there were psychiatrists of all shapes and sizes and colors and ages. But even more amazing was meeting the guys of the AGLP and LAGCAPA who were awesome! So I can only imagine how nice it'll be to have a whole conference of lesbian and gay physicians from all walks of life and specialities.

Yeah, finding a match would be nice; I can't kid myself into thinking that I won't be keeping my eyes out for my knight in shining armor. But it's also important to me to find other gay and lesbian resident friends who know exactly what it's like to have to balance the yuckiness of the graduate medical education system and homosexuality and patients and living... I got a taste of this at AGLP and it was such a breath of fresh air.

In any case, it'll give me the chance to use up some of my book money which I foolishly almost lose each year. Especially with Incompetent McChauncey in charge of reimbursements.

Besides, I'll get to see Seattle for the first time...in fact, it'll be my first time in the west ever! Neato!

Professional: Work & Writing...

So, working in the Major Children's Hospital ED has proven to be exhausting! And they're only 10 hour shifts...you'd think that I hate work. Well, I do...when it doesn't pertain to an ultimate goal. Now that I know pediatrics is not my goal, every taxing exercise (i.e. any of the seedy underbelly of training, like NICU, away ERs, etc) just makes me angry becuase I'm having to exert effort in something I don't want to do.

So, it's not me being lazy. Like I tell my friends all the time: I'll do the work, but I don't have to like it. It's a pity that some people don't realize how and why I do what I do. In any case, I have another month of Wards to get through before I hit easier street. But there's an added bonus to everything! I get to go to camp this year WITHOUT using a week of vacation! How awesome if that??? I am indebted to the niceness of the scheduling chief so I will have to make sure I get them something extra special from camp.

And now on to writing: who knew it was so difficult! Dremme and I are thinking up all kinds of concepts though I hope to make our big story applicable to real life with an infusion of magic rather than the other way around. I don't think we're on the same page in this regard, so it'll be interested to see how our disagreements pan out thoughout this. One thing that is clear for me; I cherish his friendship waaaaay more than story writing. But I also don't want to do anything halfway. So if it comes down to it, I'll stop writing (at least together) and simply enjoy my final years with him.

But it would be nice to have J.K. Rowling status...wowza. :)

Professional: But I don't wanna be right now...

It has only been two days in the ED and it feels like 2 weeks! We stay busy from the time we get there until it's time to leave.

My first shift, I peed once and drank a 6 oz Coke.

My second shift, I peed once and drank a cup of water.

And I had my first death so far: status asthmaticus. Kid just wasn't moving air at all no matter what we did. And it was balls-to-the-wall full code too.

9 years old, otherwise healthy.

I'm going to bed.