Gay: Sowing of Seed...

After the breakup with MiketheNurse, I'm kinda going off the deep end :) He hurt me more than I realized and instead of doing something healthy, like changing my diet or exercising more, I'm instead meeting random people and doing the do.

Rest assured, it's all safe; I don't play like that. But that's not to say that I haven't double the number of encounters of the last month compared to the lifetime I've had thus far. Some say "manwhore" others opportunist. :)

I'm not looking for anything long term. In fact, I'm trying my best to shy away from long term for now because the latest relationship turned out so poorly. I figure now is a great time to "live it up" and play the field. The best that comes of it includes figuring out what I truly want in a man and a relationship. Lol, there has to be something said for dating Mr. Wrong.

In other news, I'm my 4th week in the PICU with one last week to go. I'm amazed that I've made it this far; I can't wait to see what harrowing tale lies in store for me tomorrow :( I hate coming to work and finding a slew of new patients to learn and get situated in such a small amount of time....

Me: Finally! Cat’s Out of the Bag...

After at least 22 years in the making, all the major players in my family know that I'm gay.

Yup, I just told Daddy and my stepmom over the Christmas break and it feels like the entire world has been lifted from my shoulders. I appreciate all my friends who have become something of my extended family and have helped me throughout the years.

Granted, this subject and this blog will be explained in excruciating detail over the coming weeks and months because of course there's a story to every tale of danger and intrigue. :) For now, just know that I had to intentionally leave some of my very best friends in the dark for various reasons; some selfish, some for self-preservation (read as "selfish".)

That leaves two brothers to find out, but I won't have to tell 'em cuz I know everybody and their momma will do it for me. Lol.

I wish I could introduce some handsome man to be the impetus for this announcement or to have acted as my rock through the years, but nope, I did this for me and there is no lucky guy. But I'm lookin'! :)

I'm supposed to be up in 4.5 hours to start a stint in the PICU, but I'll leave you with just a morsel of the stories to tell:

When I was coming out to my sister:
Sister: "so you like BOYS?"
Me: "technically no, I like men?"
Sister: "so you sleep with boys?"
Me: "again, no...men."
Hahahahaha...yeah, it wasn't funny at the time, but in retrospect, pure classic. :)

Gay: Old Year, New Year...

I just looked at Michael's picture and broke into tears...gosh, I've never been this caught up in ANYONE. Yeah, when Reedo didn't reciprocate, it sucked but I didn't cry. And Abe and Mitch didn't result in crocodile tears. But with this guy, he did a number on me. I've never let myself fall for anyone; in fact, there was a time when I let myself think that we'd be working to build a future together, looking at houses and thinking for two. The ability to come home to a home cooked dinner. To share with him the goings on of the day. To sleep beside him in bed while he was recovering from an exhausting day.

I miss him so much. And all I want to do is be angry and hurt him like he hurt me. But I know it won't mean a thing in the end and I should really work to move. God this is hard. I'd even invisioned him meeting the parents...this sucks soooo much.

I will move on. There will be a tomorrow. But I have to admit, I don't konw how to....only time will tell.

As for the new year: it has to be better than 2007. Someday I may sit down and try to type out a "year in review" but for now, I'm completely unmotivated. :(

Heaven help us all...