Gay: Proud Family...

So the plan was to come out to Daddy today (this break) and I find it amazingly hard to do so. Partly it's because there're always a gajillion people around. The other part is that I don't quite know how he will immediately react.

I don't really care about "disappointing" him or how things will play out in the long run. Hell, if he hates me, he'll hate me regardless and there's nothing I can do about it. But I don't know what his face will look like when I tell him. Or what he will say.

I've been wavering back and forth about this since I came. I knew that I wasn't going to let him in on this the first day (that's alot to ask) and I committed to the second, but it's already night and I'm balking, thinking that I should let him know right before I leave.

Truth to tell, that might be the best option, though it will be on a Sunday, his day. I can't tell him before church because I don't want that on his conscious while he's living with Jesus, but I do want to let him know before I hit the road because I'm all about telling people face to face.

S'funny to me that people don't see it and I'm always surprised with those who are closest to me that they couldn't surmise my sexuality. Lol, maybe the eyes really don't see what they don't wish to see.I don't know what will happen tomorrow...we'll have to wait and see. But just in the course of today, I've been asked about a girlfriend/wife at least 4 times. And each time I'm forced to either warp the truth or blatantly lie and I HATE being put in that position. I hated it enough to tell Momma and Dana. Maybe I'll let Daddy, KeeKee, and BD all in on it tomorrow and see what happens. :)

Whatever the case, I know that I have friends in Lexington whom I can trust and lean on if/when the maelstrom hits.

Le sigh indeed...

Black Gay: Le Beau of Walgreens...

So I've tried to create a little history between me and Ant from Walgreens. I happened to drop by one evening about a month ago and he was working. Since there was no one else in line, we struck up a conversation and I learned alot about him.

He's been living here for quite some time and is currently a 5th year senior at UK majoring in marketing, which he actually has no intention of using. He wants to eventually move out of Lexington as there are no black folks here and I can't say that I blame him.

A couple points of interest: he did ask me what church home I went to, which can mean a coulple different things. Either he's very religious, which just makes me tired thinking of all the work I'd have to do on him to get him up to snuff, or he's testing me to see which camp I sit in. Or he could've been trying t0 gauge my thoughts on homosexuality for as every black gay person can attest, the black church is our biggest enemy.

I saw him again today after quite a few weeks of not seeing him. I wanted to talk with him more but I was kinda in a rush, in that I left the garage door to my house open since I didn't expect to be gone very long. I had to go buy some test center snackage for tomorrow.

Now I'm sitting here trying to figure out if I should just come out and ask him if he's gay; this is mainly so that I can quit pining over him if he's not or expedite the sitch if he is. The bad part is, he might be turned off by the whole thing and actively gay-"bash" me...not that he even truly knows who I am. I not afraid of blatant retaliation (cuz I don't know anyone up here and no one really knows me,) I just don't feel like making things difficult..Something just occurred to me; I think I'll just give him a call and tell him to visit the website; that way he'll know who I am and he can choose to act or not act from there...

Let me give it some further thought and I might just be giving him a call...