Gay: Addendum...

Add Wentworth Miller to the "hawt" list.My, he's so good looking he makes my head hurt. Wow. It's amazing that God makes such beautiful men. Oh, and add Josh Hamilton to the list.Rowr...

Gay: So Hot...

Quick post:I cannot get over just how attractive Eric Dane is. Wow. There's something about a chiseled jaw and piercing eyes (whatever the color) that just does me in.

And looks like George O'Malley is gay. Heh. Kudos for him for standing up for who he is. I think it's terrific that he's doing it now, especially before he becomes an overly household name and must conform to what others wish him to be.

A-rod is also gorgeous. Along with Anderson Cooper, Taye Diggs, and Shemar Moore.Enough for now...

Professional: Never Get a Second Chance...

I knew there was something up with the Chief resident and the program director. Now I know for sure that they're shady characters and I've since taken the liberty of absolving my relationship with them. From here on out, it's a matter of bip2 security as to whether or not I choose to interact with them.

Don't get me wrong, I'm still gonna do my job and do it to the fullest extent that I can manage. But they have effectively become the enemy and with the enemy, I do not have to share. With the enemy, I do not have to like. With the enemy, I do not have to positively reciprocate.

Now I go into "dialing it in" mode and take one day at a time. It's unfortunate that it has to be this way, but when no one is looking out for your best interests other than yourself, you gotta do something in the name of self preservation.I feel a bit duped and alone in that this is happening to me so far from my home, but I guess I shouldn't have been as idealistic as I was...Pham had great suggestions.

Well, I'm gonna go fight the sleep battle...

Professional: One Without the Other...

Days off would not be as sweet without the ickiness of working long hours. It's kinda like the dichotomy of life and death; we never truly appreciate what it means to live until we have someone close to us die.

And that's why I'm going to squeeze the fuckin' life out of this Saturday (my first day off in two weeks) and next weekend (my first complete weekend off in 7 weeks.) In medico-lingo, next weekend is a "Golden Weekend" which means I'm on call on Thursday, post call Friday, off Saturday and Sunday. YAY! The only shitty part is that you come back and are immediately back on call.

So in other words, I must live it up while I can.I'm thinking about going to Louisville for the weekend, spending the day Saturday at Six Flags, going out, then returning Sunday morning so that I can catch up on everything here that I need to do. I'll get some club suggestions from EGray and Roberto and maybe EGray will even be able to come with me!

I miss Abe. I miss JeRC. And luckily ChriStaples is still interested in at least hanging out...he's a tough one to read so I'm unclear as to whether or not he's treating us as friends or more. Lol, I'm not a huge fan of confusion, so I'll probably just come out and ask him what we "are" the next time I see him.

On another note, I ran into another nurse that is a bitch. Sheesh, you'd think the supply would run out eventually, but alas, that just isn't the case...Karen is her name and she was very rude to me in front of my patient. That's unacceptable and won't be tolerated. I can't wait til I see her again...

Gay: We're Getting Older by the Minute...

Harriwhen came out to his mom not too long ago.

Last night, while I was on call, I got a text from JeRC proclaiming the same thing for him and his parents. I think that's PHENOMENAL!People don't quite understand just how hard that is; to take a mother's or father's opinion of their offspring and change it in a blink of an eye. Sure, it seems a bit melodramatic, but it's really not. It truly is life changing for all involved. I remember seeing an Oprah and hearing parents say that having their kid come out to them is almost like having them die and mourning the loss of that person that they created in their head. They then have to get to know this new person instead.

Though I can't agree with everything that Oprah presents, I could understand where this mindset is rooted.

And sure, while JeRC only told his parents that he's bisexual (which I still don't think exists), he is still effectively saying that he loves men and that will change the nature of his relationship with his parents forever, though I'm sure they were probably very cool with it.

Oh, and in other news, I'm thinking of adopting a kid. Nah, not anytime soon, but hopefully by the 4th or 5th year of residency. I definitely feel my clock ticking and I don't see the need to wait forever, especially since I think I'd be a great dad by myself. I mentioned it to my sister and got a very surprising response...She said, "I'll have him for you." I laughed cuz I thought she meant she and her hubbie would have a kid and give them to me to raise. I clarified and she concurred that she wouldn't mind carrying the kid as long as we found a great egg donor. Yeah, the gravity of such a statement hasn't quite sunk in, possibly because I don't know if she knows what it all entails, but it's a life changing idea nonetheless.

Hmmm...now all I need is an egg...S'funny how life just keeps on changing...

Gay: I Think I Wanna Have Your Baby...

I recently purchased two books: "Fatherhood for Gay Men" and "Getting Simon: Two Gay Doctors' Journey to Fatherhood.

"While I've been speedreading the first, I haven't quite made it to the second yet, but I can already tell my interest is more than piqued.

As many of my friends know, I would love nothing more to have a couple kids running around. If, by some per chance I could have a DNA say in things, all the better.

Some people contemplate dogs, I contemplate kids. I'm thinking about getting one before the end of residency, especially 4th and 5th year. We'll see what happens.

Professional: Exchanging Stupid for Stupidity...

Egad.

I'm sure all nurses aren't idiots, just as I'm sure that all nurses don't have a complex about being a nurse and doing as they're told (with the occasional ask for their input.)

But methinks that we have a shitload of the former and an assload of the latter. I don't know if they've just been beaten into submission by attendings and docs in the past, but I want to work alongside my nurses, not have a hostile relationship. Hell, if I didn't know any better, I'd think that "hateful" is exactly what they're striving for.I try not to be a mean person. Even if I'm tired and quite the cranky-pants, I still try not to yell at folks or get sharp with them. But I can see why others do it: it's easy and effective.

Telling a nurse to basically shut the fuck up and do what she's told is a lot easier than trying to befriend them and schmooze them. And putting the fear of god into them is also effective, in that they know you don't fuck around and that they're in for a mouthfull if they don't oblige.

Now, that could backfire on you in that they page and call you at all times of the night, but it's not like they don't do that ALREADY so you'd basically have a win-win.

I talked to Ram-z and he reiterated some of my feelings to a T. I'm glad he's around and know what's going on. The unfortunate thing is that there are no guys on the pedi floor, so I have to deal with catty female nurses all fuckin' day. *Le sigh* It's a travesty.

Professional: It's Over!!!

The dreadful ER rotation is finally finito!

And as a testament to just how much God hates me, he made it extra prickly on my last day, working the night shift, getting bombarded with dozens of things at one time and never being able to pull any off smoothly.

The ending attending was super nice but I could tell that it's all starting to wear on her. Apparently, they're down about 3 attendings and so that means the remaining 7 are having to work their asses off, especially since they're supposed to be teaching (which they don't do for off service residents) as well as supervising and admistrating.

The environment was so toxic and just the smallest of negative attitudes can fester into a cesspool of unhappiness. Not to mention that our favorite sect of the medical realm known to the common man as "nurses" will passive-aggressive-ize things to death and blow it all out proportion. This, of course, means that often time they are the brunt of things since doctors don't always react on emotion (from patients or colleagues) rather relying on a detached set of logical heuristics. In other words, we stay calm cuz we know that if we don't someone could get hurt of something forgotten.I did befriend quite a few of them, and I even invited one of them out to Intern Agave rounds. Jaime is a skinny little guy who's married but has beautiful blue eyes (I'm a sucker for 'em) and a great personality. He's country, like many of these folks are, but he's different in that he seems to strive to be better than he is. As Data found out in "Star Trek: Nemesis" that's what makes us human and who we are.

Anyway, I'm preparing my report/presentation on my time in the ED and I'm gonna make damn sure that it gets to the appropriate hands. If they choose to ignore it, so be it, but at least they'll know what hell they're putting their residents through.

Well, I start wards tomorrow, so I shall run for now and write more later...