Me: Another time of change...

God, this is harder than I ever imagined.

I dreamed of a day when I would amass a certain conglomeration of things, like great friends, sustainable financial stream, a well respected job, the man of my dreams.

I have all those things, yet I balk.

Why do I balk?

What am I missing?

I have to find out what I'm doing wrong. I have to find out what will click for me. I wish I could remember when things stopped "clicking" for me. Sometime in the last 3 years, my memory became poor, my spirit was assaulted, and I became a weird guy. I don't like that.

I constantly find myself lost in thought, longing for things that aren't healthy for me. Wanting to be in the forefront of opinion and popularity. To have even more power, more friends.

When all in all, what I have now is what I longed for growing up. Simple. Easy.

Again I ask: what has happened to me.

I need to get it back before I fuck everything up, inadvertently...