Me: Child-less...

Relationships are hard. Parenthood is hard. And with both, you take a huge gamble...your partner could cheat, could lie, could hide their true intent, could simply become an asshole, become too clingy, become dependent or too independent. They could be stable but fall into a career that takes them away from you or expose them to areas that remind them that they have other skeletons in their closet that they haven't addressed. When I look around at my successfully married friends, I'm heartened for those who work really hard to make it work and I'm am heartbroken for those who feel trapped. That's a level of misery that I would never want; to make a pact with someone before all that exists to share a life with someone only to learn that the two of you aren't compatible. Damn, even typing that out made my heart shudder. And parenthood isn't any better. I just read an article by the most recent Details magazine and they show just how parenthood changes people. Kids take time, attention, money, energy, and sacrifice. Given that I'm 30 and am just now able to be independent, I think I shall be independent a little (or alot) longer. I miss my ex. When he and I were together, we talked about having kids. Later, after he broke up with me, I talked with a friend of his and it turns out, he hadn't mentioned having kids to anyone. Shocker, really. But just as I once entertained adopting kids (it was my first year in residency), time has been an amazingly good (and harsh) teacher. Kids have the capacity to be amazing (the president, develop the cure for cancer, be Jesus) or downright dangers (murderers, rapists, conniving businessmen without social conscience). The responsibility that falls on me to ensure he's more of the former than the latter is a daunting task. After I was dumped, I realized that I would only raise children with someone; I have no desire to be a willing single parent. Now that I'm accepting the prospect that I very well may be single for the rest of my life, I have to mesh the child-less aspect with that...and honestly, it doesn't bother me. I have enough biological, social, and psychological nephews and nieces that my pocketbook, my schedule, and my thoughts will be utilized quite well. :) But this way still gives me the opportunity to jaunt off to other cities and countries at my leisure. To go out dancing until 3 am when I want. To eat or not eat when I want. To be complete steward over my day. I'm sure that my feelings will change if I fall in love with someone again...but knowing I don't have to give in to the social pressures (for companionship and children) is reassuring. I feel a bit more...free.