Professional: Party Foul...

I still can't believe it happened...I arrived at the court tonight pumped and ready to go for a game of volleyball. Our team slowly assembled and right as we were getting ready to warm up on the court, ER starts lecturing me about not listening to the attending and not following directions.

ER happens to be my attending in the NICU. Over this past week, we got a 24 weeker who is clinging to life and needs to be monitored ever so closely. I was on call with the fellow and ER was covering the night shift, so we came up with a game plan during night rounds in case lab abnormalities came back later that morning.

I distinctly remember in my stupor of getting up and going back to sleep multiple times that I read the lab values to the fellow and neither of us thought they were bad enough to do anything about them. Granted, we could've tweaked things as the attending wanted, but at 3 or 4 am in the morning, you tend to forget things, especially when the kids stable and the labs themselves don't look totally out of whack.

So anyway, ER goes on to state that we're both in big trouble because we didn't listen to him and that the fellow, especially, is going to get it good when he gets back to work tomorrow. I was completely taken aback and couldn't really even form words because I honestly couldn't even think back to that night.It's hard enough for me to draw up things about work at work, but when I've been gone from work for a day or so and not thinking about work, trying to come up with a plausible explanation about something that happened at work is even harder. Lol, I don't even think this paragraph made sense.

But anyway, I said my, "whoa, I'm sorry's" and made a quick exit to the court to warm up.And even though I don't really care what my evaluation would say, it still bothers me that I made an error...so of course it was on my mind the entire game. Granted, I still played very well, though it felt as if he didn't set me many times on purpose, but the whole game almost felt like an out of body experience because my sanctum had been penetrated.

Of course, I had to say something. After the game, I waited until everyone left and I know he knew something was up because he sat there after everyone left as well. Now that I think about it, he probably was thinking I was coming over to apologize and receive more words of criticism...or to come and barter for the verbal tongue lashing I am to receive this week but I didn't.

I told him that at work, I will call him Dr. ER and take his criticism and face the repercussions of my actions, but that we need to make a deal that we don't talk about work while we play because I keep the two strictly separate. It seemed it take him by surprise but I kept talking, insisting that dealing with work will only serve to throw off my game and make things weird between us.

He listened and then said something akin to he understands and that things wouldn't be as bad if I wasn't on service (I disagreed but didn't say anything.) I then said that I'd see him at work and will await his reprimand there.

Less always said, "don't shit where you eat, don't eat where you shit." Wow; I've been a strict adherent to this but it looks like I fucked up this one instant. I'm going to try not and hold that against myself though it's sure to ruminate for days and weeks to come.

It's weird but I almost feel a bit date raped; not to compare the two, but it feels like I've been betrayed and screwed over...Sucks...