Me: I (currently) regret my decision...

Coming to Klantucky may not have been the best decision I've made in a long time.

Now friends are dating, having babies, making money, doing well academically, excelling in their fields, and I'm not.

That's the plain and simple truth: I'm not.

I'm not dating anyone and the prospects seem slim.

I have no kids yet I yearn for them with every fiber of my being.

I haven't come close to finishing what I need to make extra moolah (thought that might not be a bad thing)

I just got in trouble for poor test scores which limits the above point.

And I don't feel like I have a grasp on anything.

And I don't feel that I can talk to anyone about it because NO ONE would understand.

It's a really awkward position to be in because I'm still as socially and occupationally driven as I have always been and now I'm in that weird place where I don't agree with half the shit that's going on but I can't back out now because I've put so much into it (house, work, etc.)

It's time's like this that I wished I lived closer to home so that I could be reminded of where I came from and how far I have come, which is a small victory in itself.

My problem is that I keep looking outward for happiness when it should lie within. But I think I should focus my energies and efforts towards helping MYSELF because currently, I'm expending energy with no return.

I feel optimistic and I'm not as depressed as I've been othertimes...I'm not sure if it's the alcohol typing or me, but I've come to figure out (again and fucking again) that it's me I have to answer to at the end of the day and that I should do things that make me happy.

Funny how things again come full circle...