Me: Hurtin'...

I don't know if its the return of the raging allergic rhinitis/pseudosinusitis that's making me ache all over or the crash from putting up a good show for my patients today, but I'm aching. My whole body is hurting, I'm coughing, snotting up a friggin' storm, can't smell much less breathe through my nose, it's cold, I'm bitter and lonely and self defeating and I just want to sleep.

So yeah, I need a vacation.

To make matters worse, I just got word that we're no longer in total control of my bereavement camp and to tell you the truth, I'm fighting mad! Absolutely furious! Once again, fate (the fickle bitch) rears her ugly head and says "for those without money, you will abide by those who do." In this instance, it's a multi-million (if not billion) dollar healthcare franchise who doesn't want to provide insurance coverage for a camp that they've commissioned for the last 10 years.

So now, another group has offered and they've put their point person in charge and let's just say, this is one doctor that doesn't do change.

Now comes the conversation: should I take my vacation day and truly do that: vacation? Or should I potentially spend a week and a shitload of money to be second guessed by someone I know with an odd-work ethic...

It's a clusterfuck.

And it makes the aching even worse...as I sit here and type, all hunched over and old, I wonder what's happening to me? What is it that makes me continue to fall into less than savory places? Sure, I know, it's the whole cursed fate mentality, but damn, if it walks like a duck, talks like a duck, and tastes like a duck, it ain't an ostrich.

Flonase. Aleve Cold and Sinus. Heat. Sleep. That's what I'll be up to tonight...