Me: Fairy Tales...

I just had the craziest thought. What if, in true Hollywood fashion, Luke came home this December for good. He gets home, sees his family, starts crying realizing what he's done and they wisk him onto the next flight to Houston. He rents a car, drives up to Lufkin and surprises the family. I return home from running the streets to find my ex-fiance.

We embrace. We cry. We reconcile.

Awww...ain't it cute.

It won't happen. But it was fun to pretend. Lol, right now, Luke is so far trapped in his own world, he can't see the forest for the trees. Everyone (and I mean EVERYONE) can see where this is going for him. Except, of course, him. Dating young guys is a bad idea. Especially young guys who aren't established when (for all intents and purposes) you are. That just leaves the door completely open for a divergence of opportunities and dreams. It's also a bad idea because young guys like to look elsewhere. Lol, hell, even older single guys like to look elsewhere. I think there's a golden period between 30 and 50 where most gay guys are at the peak; when they won't settle and they're very serious about when they do.

I've found the older guys are just as ingratiating as some of the younger ones because they are constantly trying to mold people into what they want them to be.

In any case, every single day I am learning that I have no control over anything but myself. I dictate my happiness and misery. No one else does.

I still miss Luke something fierce but I have to move on, though I might as well be trying to move a fucking mountain. Love is so splendidly fucked up.