Me: I can't believe it...

Everyone assures me that I'm a great guy. Talented, good looking, funny, compassionate, intelligent, athletic, sexy, dependable, optimistic, outgoing. It comes from all around, friends, family, associates, acquaintences. It's not gratuitous; I'm not one to solicit comments or feedback unless I think something's wrong.

So why, why can't I believe it?

I feel like a loser. As if I've never done a good thing for myself or anyone in my whole life. I feel aimless and unmotivated, two characteristics that I can't stand in most people; now I have it in spades.

What is it about Luke and my relationship that peeled back this layer? When I think about it, Luke didn't CAUSE any of this; it was already there. The breakup just unearthed it and now I have to look into it and survive the experience.

I feel needy. And deceitful towards my own self. I feel like I can't trust myself anymore; I let me latch on to someone and the result was beautifully catastrophic. I don't want this to ever happen again, but I also know that this is tragically fun.

Lively death. Deathly life. Oxymorons but that's what we live in.

Simply complex. Complexly simple.

Odd, but I don't know that the same applies to love and hate; they are, in fact, two mutually exclusive entities. There's no such thing as a hateful love or a loving hate.

I don't hate Luke. I love Luke.

Hmph..