Me: BICers Update...

Below is an emotional dissertation I sent to the BIC yahoogroup. Old friends that I'll keep forever...
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You all must go see Dreamgirls. Simply awesome!

Anyway, I just wanted to drop a quick note about everything that's been going on with me...bear with me, it's a doozy.

As far as work is concerned, I'm finishing a month on the Wards and everytime I step into work, a little piece of my soul dies. The soul-slaying is multifactorial and includes the fact that we are waaaay understaffed to deal with the winter months. Respiratory syncitial virus (RSV) is mainly responsible for an average of 45 minutes of sleep for each of my 6 calls I've done so far. Well that and the fact that my fuckin' upper level resident is a black cloud...meaning that when he and I are on, the world turns inside out and sends all their friggin' kids to the hospital. And it's not just your typical hospital admit...no, most of the one's we get are almost always near death which would mean an admission to the PICU (pediatric intensive care unit) but lo, when we're on, there are NEVER any beds. So we have to deal with critical patients on the friggin' floor where the nurses are as competent as my ass hair. Sorry for being graphic but it's sheer craziness.

Personally, I've been dealing with the whole "coming out" thing with the fam. Granted, I haven't fully made the rounds (just told my brother two nights ago) as Daddy and two of my other bros don't know, but each time just wipes me out. It is quite funny though when they ask (both my mom, sister, and one brother) "are you sure?" Hee! I've always wondered if I was destined for a normal life...I keep coming up with "no way" mainly because I've been dating a man twice my age but who complements me in sooooo many ways. For an older white guy y'all would get a kick out of him... :) Just to be fair, he's a lawyer, graduate of Cornell (pshaw, it's no Baylor or UT, but I guess it'll do) worked for the EPA for many years suing the government and is currently vice president in some sort of consulting firm. I've tried to not be smitten but I'm not very good at it. But I am very good at spinal taps! YAY!

And over the last two days, I've driven through snow to get work. What the fuck??? Yeah, that's what I'm sayin'. Y'all know how much I hate the cold and now I have to worry about drivin' in snow. It's adding kindling to an already building fire of resentment about this place. But I love my house...I just wish I could fly MereGray up this way and give her a shitload of money to deck it out in the manner to which it deserves. In the meantime, it'll do for now and I can't wait til the spring to start planting flowers and the like.

And I finally know now what most established doctors are assholes, hellbent on making as much money as humanly possible. Y'all, residency does beat you down and make you realize just how futile being nice is. From the nurses, to patients, to attendings, to fellow residents, the amount of "corner cutting" and piss poor excuses is enough to drive an overly optimistic fun loving guy (like yours truly) over the edge. Luckily, I have an intern class that regularly drowns our sorrows in margaritas during our Monthly Intern Agave Rounds. The only drawback of these rounds is that the cheap drinks are coupled with really shitty Mexican food, which makes me miss Texas and gives me pangs of homesickness that are hard to swallow.

I'm listening to the soundtrack of Dreamgirls as I type this and it's calming me down a bit. I would love to hear how everyone else is doing because I need some normal people in my life...y'all come pretty close if I recall correctly...if you call getting drunk and speaking in Spanish normal, right Kristen? :)Much love to all y'all and hope this finds you better than I.

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I'm gonna have to do better with keeping in touch with these guys and dolls....le sigh