Gay: I'm not that good...

So Michael just broke up with me...and I'm feeling a flurry of emotions.

Mainly pity.

I've gained self confidence while in this relationship with him. And I learned alot about myself. Firstly, I can no longer date over the internet; physical attraction is just too important a step to skip over. Secondly, I will follow my gut. I have tried not to place too many "rules" on things, but I knew dating a nurse would be an awful idea. And now I know why. Leslie may be eccentric but homegirl knows what she's talking about most times. She stated, "don't shit where you eat, don't eat where you shit." I did that and now look at me. :)

I don't worry about fallout from his nurse colleagues; if they're truly worth their weight in salt, then they'll do what they're supposed to do when I'm around. Gossip is there perogative but has no place near me; I don't anticipate this being a problem.

But I do pity him. Stuck with baggage he hasn't dealt with in a year and a half. And his expectations for now: for us to be friends.

I finally understand why Abe severed all ties with me; because it's impossible not to feel something when you talk to them. So I have no intentions on being "friends" with him. No, I have not yet told him this and I have no plan to do so. My actions will speak louder than my words anyway, so he shall see my disposition. Again, I will be professional and courteous but I no longer owe him an audience.

So he will be treated as I treat the rest of his colleagues: with professional indifference.But again, valuable lessons abound from times like this. For instance, I know that I can now fall for all kinds of people of different shapes and sizes. And I know that the nursing field is off-limits. And I know that my gut feeling should have a say in the beginning throes of a relationship. And I know that I'm worth more than being secondary to fickle friends.

So I shall take a deep breath *inhale, exhale* and set my sights to the future. To less fucking up and more mindfulness...