Gay: Relationships...

So Michael and I have been dating for two months...Who is Michael???

Well, he's a 5'7" quick witted ER nurse whom I befriended while on night float in October. I remember seeing him the the ED and thinking "oh, he seems like a nice gay guy" and moving on to the next task. I do not like being in the ED and I make a point of ignoring anything but my exact job at the time so as not to draw any undo attention to myself.

In any case, a mutual friend of ours arranged for us to go out to eat breakfast and since nothing horrible happened during that encounter, we decided to keep in touch.7 weeks later, things have been going well for the most part. I love him. He loves me.

But the fatal flaw of life rears it's ugly head. The very mechanisms that we have both used all our lives (he's 28) to keep us safe and sane is biting us in the ass. He's very independent and has been so for years now. He got out of an awful relationship that left some very deep emotional scars. The combination of baggage and their countermeasures has resulted in us taking the relationship even slower, which is just fine with me.

We were on the verge of our first collaboration: family plan cell phones. But this was not to occur. The first thought in my head was one of rejection and hurt because it seemed like things were working out perfectly. But then I remembered that NOTHING in my life ever works out as planned so I should really just go with the flow on this one and let things happen as they should. Pressing and trying to make him into something that he (or I) am not will only lead to heartache and pain.

So I'll lick my wounds, take a walk around the block, and come back as the supportive wonderful boyfriend that I know I can be.

I'll never forget the look on his face last night...he was so vulnerable. I told him that if he didn't want to be in the relationship, that he should simply let me know and we could end on amenable terms...he said no and I believe him. One thing though: this relationship has taught me that I will not go searching for love on the internet again and that me being myself is always the best policy. Someone will love me eventually...