Me: Isolating...

I never really realized that I push people away all.the.time. I guess it's become second nature, so much so that I simply put up barriers in the beginning thereby cutting out the need later to do so later on. Lol, it's ergonomic relationship making at its best. :(

Wow, even thinking about this stuff is brain-cramp inducing....add all this to the fact that I feel more ambivalent about things now than earlier and you have a recipe for a procrastination disaster. Sure, I'm putting off major projects that I need to get done, but part of me wonders why even worry about it. Why not just let the chips lie where they fall and walk away from those things that stress me out.

But there's this inner being that won't let me walk away from my obligations. It constantly reminds me that I should "finish what I started" which isn't a bad idea. It's just that nowadays, it's costing me more and more mental energy to deal with this shit when I sometimes feel I barely have enough emotional reserve just to get through the day.

I need a vacation...or a boyfriend. :) Nother story for another day...