Gay: Celibacy...

Today is the first day...let's see how long it lasts. :)

I got tested this past week; it's been something I've put off for almost 9 months after the breakup. There is no particular reason for me waiting; I just didn't feel up to it and when I did, I would get distracted and not schedule a time to go in.

As luck would have it, though, over the last week, I developed a fever due to another damn ear infection. Since I was going in to see the doctor anyway, I went ahead and got my labwork done. Let's just say that even though I didn't have need to worry, I did anyway...after all, what if I missed something? What if someone had lied to me? What if a tiny piece of virus has evaded my immune system?

Well, there's nothing like the thought of recurrent infections, taking lots of pills, and feeling like shit to kill one's libido. So now, I sit here, 8 days without sex with another human being. I plan to allow this to play itself out.

Having sex with people you're not in a relationship with is such a warped trap. It feels good for that moment, but in the end, you feel cheap and worthless. I don't like that feeling. Nor do I like the feeling of being online, being judged by typing 5 words to an anonymous stranger whom I've taken a liking to from scantily clad pictures.

It's enough. That's enough.

I know better. Now it's time for me to do better.

Besides, reacclimating myself to my own body and what I like and dislike is important. I've been someone else's sexual doormat for far too long, it feels.

Let's see how it goes...