Black Gay: An Enigma...

So in true gay man form, I had another "encounter" but this one was funny because the guy said, "hmmm...over the phone I couldn't tell you were a black guy." Now of course I don't hold it against him because we all have our prejudices, but it shows me once again that the thought is alive and well.

As the solo black guy in the choir, I found myself being the only black guy in the whole church during concert time...even though it was one of the more full spring concerts.

And it's a constant nagging thought in the back of my head when I meet a white guy that I find attractive. Voltaire, for instance...I don't know what he thinks of black guys, much less me...a little piece of that self loathing part of me thinks that I'm "too black" or "too greasy" or lips "too dark" or nose "too wide." It's terrible but seeing as how I live in a world where I faun over the white Abercrombie and Fitch model, it's fitting that I put down myself in this fashion; girls do it all the time (much to society's chagrin.)

And being a "black gay" (which IS different than a "gay black") is so tough when you have no one to spend time with who is like you.

It is indeed lonely at the top...